Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
