You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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