Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
