A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize