Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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