Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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