he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In other news, I just burned my penis
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
