that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
