What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
