I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
