Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
