..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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