Where is the hickey?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
