We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
