Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
