I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
