the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
