toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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