all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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