Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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