This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
