why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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