dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
