when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
