How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize