fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize