She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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