Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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