seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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