I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
