drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
