I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
