My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
