guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
