I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Holy shit dude........stairs
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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