what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
