WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
