You can't special order awesome
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
