I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize