i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize