you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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