you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
