my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
