I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
