1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
