She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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