Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
