Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize