My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
