the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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