On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
