Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
