My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
