The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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