no, he came in my armpit
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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