hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
