fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
