I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
