so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
