Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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