Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
