i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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