You smell like stripper and shame
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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