i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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