Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
