Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
