Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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