how can u be prego again
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
