I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize