I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
