I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Where is the hickey?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize